@KentWGraham: The movie scene where discarded clothes lead to lovers in bed, except it’s my clothes leading to my wife picking them up and cursing me.
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@chadchaines: [phone makes noise] [gets giddy about how popular I'm about to feel] Oh. It's an email about car insurance. [quietly dies a little inside]
@GodAnimalBooks: Dog: am I a wolf? God: no you’re a dog. Dog: what’s the difference? God: wolves live in a pack. Dog: like a family? God: ok yes. Dog: I am a wolf! God: but wolves howl at the moon. Dog: so? God: you bark at appliances. Dog: [offended] I do not! God: [turns on vacuum].