The one upside to triplets is that you finally have enough babies to juggle

You Might Also Like


How’d you get those bruises?

*remembers tripping over a stuffed animal and destroying my blanket fort*



Me: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes

Informant: why?

Me: for spilling the beans

Informant: I didn’t-

Me: shut your fern gully

Informant: what

Me: don’t give me no sammy jammy

Informant: ok now you’re making these up

Me: *leans forward* looks like we got us a bulbasaur


Having kids isn’t that bad, just don’t have like the really young ones.


Searching for that special woman to share my interest in candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, and losing my shit over inanimate objects


ME: My dog loves it when I work from home.
DOG [to camera, opening beer]: Between you and me, it’s incredibly inconvenient. I had shit planned today.


Hello, Gotham Child Services. Oh dear. Both dead? My my. Well, does the child have a Butler that can raise him? Cos it’s a lot of paperwork.


Thank you automatic ice dispenser.

I was hoping to get either 2 or 675 ice cubes.