@SortaBad

The one upside to triplets is that you finally have enough babies to juggle

You Might Also Like

@TheAlexP

How’d you get those bruises?

*remembers tripping over a stuffed animal and destroying my blanket fort*

Karate.

@PleaseBeGneiss

Me: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes

Informant: why?

Me: for spilling the beans

Informant: I didn’t-

Me: shut your fern gully

Informant: what

Me: don’t give me no sammy jammy

Informant: ok now you’re making these up

Me: *leans forward* looks like we got us a bulbasaur

@Thee1_4U

Having kids isn’t that bad, just don’t have like the really young ones.

@yonewt

Searching for that special woman to share my interest in candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, and losing my shit over inanimate objects

@LizHackett

ME: My dog loves it when I work from home.
DOG [to camera, opening beer]: Between you and me, it’s incredibly inconvenient. I had shit planned today.

@ElleOhHell

Hello, Gotham Child Services. Oh dear. Both dead? My my. Well, does the child have a Butler that can raise him? Cos it’s a lot of paperwork.

@ShanaRose21

Thank you automatic ice dispenser.

I was hoping to get either 2 or 675 ice cubes.