How’d you get those bruises?
*remembers tripping over a stuffed animal and destroying my blanket fort*
The one upside to triplets is that you finally have enough babies to juggle
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Me: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes
Me: for spilling the beans
Informant: I didn’t-
Me: shut your fern gully
Me: don’t give me no sammy jammy
Informant: ok now you’re making these up
Me: *leans forward* looks like we got us a bulbasaur
This bar smells like my childhood.
Having kids isn’t that bad, just don’t have like the really young ones.
Before Batgirl can become Batwoman she has to have a Batmitzvah.
Searching for that special woman to share my interest in candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, and losing my shit over inanimate objects
ME: My dog loves it when I work from home.
DOG [to camera, opening beer]: Between you and me, it’s incredibly inconvenient. I had shit planned today.
Hello, Gotham Child Services. Oh dear. Both dead? My my. Well, does the child have a Butler that can raise him? Cos it’s a lot of paperwork.
Thank you automatic ice dispenser.
I was hoping to get either 2 or 675 ice cubes.