We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@SortaBad: The one upside to triplets is that you finally have enough babies to juggle
@InThaBurbs: Anyone know the second rule of fight club?
@jlock17: My ancestors didn't walk out of the jungle, cross continents, interbreed with at least two other types of hominids, survive wars and plagues and cross an ocean for me to have to eat an untoasted bagel.
@AmishPornStar1: Introverts are just extroverts who have realized that most people suck.
@daddydoubts: Me: *drops mic*
Mic’s parents: OUR BABY!
@abhorrent_wife: *looks up from phone*
"Kids!! we're leaving the playground in 22 percent."