If you believe the home alarm commercials, the first thing burglars do when they break into your home is smash your family pictures.
the only reason i’m gonna go to my 10 year high school reunion is to see if the kid that wore shorts year round is wearing shorts
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I don’t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don’t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
the next time u see a fork in the road, just try to remeber that at least, no mater wat u did, u werent the person who tried to eat the road
Marriage: an institution where having to slightly adjust your mirrors every time you get in your car puts you in a homicidal rage.
Each and every pizza can be a personal pizza if you just believe in yourself and don’t have any friends.
*Seductively stripping out of clothes.
Gynecologist: Please stop that.
Huge respect for Parasite, but Ford v Ferrari deserved to win just for the opening scene
“I knew he was the murderer when I saw him on the dance floor,” Holmes said. “You see, Watson, guilty feet have got no rhythm.”
SHARK ATTACKS AT RECORD HIGH
Australia: Lets put nets out to keep bathers safe
USA: Everybody get a shark to protect you from other sharks
No thanks, I’m not hungry right now. I’ll just wait until after you put it away and sit down. Then I’ll have some.