@WineMummy: The only reason I'm on LinkedIn is to find employed dates for the weekends.
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@Darchstar078: Fact: Roughly 40% of my childhood was spent preparing for the day I fall into a pit of quicksand.
@Contwixt: ME: Good morning TODDLER: I don't want to be a mermaid. I want to be a shark with legs.
@qwertying: Airport Security: has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge, sir? Sir: How the hell am I supposed to answer that?