Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts.
The premise of Batman is that, deep down, all billionaires just want to be first-year patrol cops
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I’m getting the hang of this hermit thing.
I only eat one meal a day now. It starts at 9 am and ends at 7:30 pm, but still.
You guys, I figured it out. This whole COVID 19 strain is autocorrect’s fault. Somebody asked for a protein bar but got a protein bat instead. Easy mistake to make.
My kids want a second dog for me to feed, walk and clean up after for Christmas.
[father & son looking up at the night sky—observing starlight from millions of yrs ago] son, the most important thing in this world is money
I’m a really great friend – provided you don’t have any other friends to compare me with and never listen to my advice.
This is your captain speaking. Underneath each of your seats is a broadsword. In the words of Highlander, there can be only one.
Before their conflict with the Decepticons, the Autobots won a much less interesting but emotionally charged war against the Emoticons.
I just bought a dozen donuts if anyone’s looking for a sugar mama.
When I was a kid I liked my Jack in the Box…But now I prefer my Jack in the Bottle.