Give a man a fish, he eats for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and you’ll have the weekends to yourself.
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Please don’t cry
Seeing your tears makes me have to pee
Dad owl: I’m dying so I need you to look after things. I’m going to give you-
Son owl: Don’t say it
Dad: Power of a tawny
Son: [turns head]
“No thanks, I filled up on breadsticks.” – Eve to the Serpent in the Olive Garden of Eden
Dang girl are you the American health care system because if I don’t give you all my money you’d have no problem watching me die.
*primitive gungans defeat battle droids*
*Stone Age ewoks beat elite stormtroopers*
*improbable underdog story defeats logic and reason*
Puts fitbit on dogs collar. Throws the ball around. Sits on the couch and eat chips. Wins all the challenges
If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.