{The purge}
GUY MURDERING ME: It’s “purge.” It’s a soft g.
ME: The purg. I feel like I’m saying it.
GUY: No, it’s “purge.” You’re saying it like “iceberg.”
ME: Purg.
GUY: *Getting increasingly frustrated* Say iceberg.
ME: Iceburge.

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Scissors Commercial:
*Montage of people karate chopping paper in half*
Narrator: Don’t you wish there was a better… Nevermind that was rad


Like Mom always said,

“Don’t kick a gift horse in the teeth.”


Me: The brake pads breaked.

Mechanic: Broke.

Me: The broke pads breaked.


You were all Pluto’s not even a planet and now you’re watching it from your space car all slow and creepy like. Jerk.


Mario and Luigi fight to the death, in “The Plunger Games”.


Can’t wait for Daylight Saving Time to end this weekend so the clock in my car will have the correct time.


*Queen bee in hive*

“You, go pollinate flowers”

“You, go make some honey”

“You, go buzz around some humans and ruin their picnic lol”


Marty McFly had horrible parents. Sure teenage son, hang around with the weirdo scientist who lives alone and drives a windowless truck.


Me: I love you..Marry Me!

Burrito: I’m a Burrito..stop drinking.


‘How many lights do you wanton?”

“It’s too bright, can you dimsum?”

~ Chinese chefs setting the mood.