NURSE: *bursts into break room* A man just came to the ER with a broken bone thru his skin!
DR DOG: *looks at other Drs* I’ll take this one
The question, in my car, is not WHERE did that lone French fry come from, but WHEN did that lone French fry come from?
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Look, I wouldn’t even run in a zombie apocalypse let alone chase after you.
Went to my uncle’s funeral today open bar pretty good food but my uncle was dead 3/5 stars
Personal trainer: you must learn to listen to your body
My body: lifting weights is difficult, go play video games and eat ice cream
The hotel has a live band and my favourite song is “We’re going for a break now, we’ll be back later”
*filling plastic bags with electricity for my Tesla*
Girls are just like pasta. Throw her against the wall, if she sticks, she’s ready.
The best things in life are free.
Stealing is awesome.
Alarm clock set for 6:00 am
Bladder set for 5:54 am
The first week after you bury the bodies is always the most stressful.