Strangers get so paranoid when they catch you stirring a mysterious powder into their drink.
The real reason Darth Vader cut off Luke’s hand was because he touched the thermostat
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GOD: [continuing to make humans] Make some of them think running is fun
ANGEL: This is just sick, I can’t watch this
In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?
Her: What do you do?
Me: Global prosthetics distribution.
Her: You’re an artificial limb salesman?
Me: I prefer ‘international arms dealer’.
Netflix: Want to keep watching?
Me: Do we really need to do this?
Netflix: It’s just, it’s been 75 hours and I can hear your kids crying.
*breathing becomes rapid and pulse starts racing*
I…I’ve never felt…SO ALIVE!
*holds up 11th nugget from 10 piece box, for all to see*
Her: I love you so much
Me: Hey, *puts my hand on her shoulder* we all make mistakes sometimes.
Me: Can I get you a drink?
Her: I don’t know. Can you?
Me: *checking wallet* No.