@Ygrene
@Dawn_M_
Strangers get so paranoid when they catch you stirring a mysterious powder into their drink.
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@Dawn_M_
@Home_Halfway
GOD: [continuing to make humans] Make some of them think running is fun
ANGEL: This is just sick, I can’t watch this
@MrsJekyllsHyde
In the Walking Dead how and when does the cop guy find time to clean, iron, and press his uniform during the zombie apocalypse?
@UncleDuke1969
Her: What do you do?
Me: Global prosthetics distribution.
Her: You’re an artificial limb salesman?
Me: I prefer ‘international arms dealer’.
@SaraMansford
Netflix: Want to keep watching?
Me: Do we really need to do this?
Netflix: It’s just, it’s been 75 hours and I can hear your kids crying.
@iAmDelFreaky
*breathing becomes rapid and pulse starts racing*
I…I’ve never felt…SO ALIVE!
*holds up 11th nugget from 10 piece box, for all to see*
@AnOrangeSNES
Her: I love you so much
Me: Hey, *puts my hand on her shoulder* we all make mistakes sometimes.
@stephenjmolloy
Me: Can I get you a drink?
Her: I don’t know. Can you?
Me: *checking wallet* No.
@therealeatwood
