@LizHackett

The real you is what happens when you walk into a surprise spider web.

You Might Also Like

@voldemortsbicep

How To Make Lemon Squares:

Make the undercookie
Then the jigglesauce
Pour the jigglesauce on the undercookie and put it in the bakeybox

@squirrel74wkgn

People tend to overreact when they look in their rear view mirror & see you sitting in their backseat dressed like a clown.

@lilgapeach30

It’s like my daddy always says…if you can’t beat ’em, arrange to have ’em beaten.

@panmidwest

ME: [walking down the street clearly counting with my fingers]

WIFE: you could just-

ME: I’m not paying for another Fitbit, Jenn

@CatsVsHumanity

Body: We need to sleep

Brain: Do fish have any concept of rain?

Stomach: LET’S MAKE NACHOS

@marinhubka

[sifting through mail]
baby shower invitation? Haha, um no thanks, Linda. I have a regular size shower that I can use whenever I want

@GingerHotDish

Me: Alexa, make me a drink.

Her: Mom, that’s not my name and I think you’ve had enough.

@Lisabug74

Creamy peanut butter is the best because it’s the only thing holding this car together.

@mommajessiec

7yo: *eating granola bar* What are you doing?

Me: Cooking dinner.

7yo: *eating 2nd granola bar* Why?

Me: I have no idea.

@AimeeHelene1

At 36, I still have no idea what to do with my hands when I’m in front of a group of people.

*hands on hips*
*hands in air*
*does macarena*