@WhosTheresa: I could've had a kid with a heroin addiction but Noooo. Instead my kid wants to join a Christian rock band.

@AlmightyBored: Me: I'm eating for two now. Him: Oh, are you pregnant? Me: Nooooo. Is that what that means?

@mommajessiec: Me: What do you need to watch out for while trick-or-treating? Kids: Cars Me: And... Kids: Wine moms

@: Me: *reads a lot, has many books, all things considered, a book person* Person: So, what’s your favourite book? Me: I cannot think of one book that I have read. I have never read a single book. What are books?

@notenoughwine: Women are like bacon: we look good, we smell good, we taste good, and we will slowly kill you