The road to hell is paved.

That’s nice.

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My husband is in the other room explaining to the cat that even tho we are going to bed early, he (the cat) is welcome to stay up


Surprise your boyfriend with new boyfriend this valentine


Date: I like to take things slow

Me: *puts stolen turtle on table* Hey, so do I


eating mac and cheese in 64 bites is called mine kraft


Me: We are a team.

Husband: Yes.

Me: We are in this together.

Husband: OK.

Me: It’s you and me.

Husband: Sure. But are we watching this whole show together, or am I going to find you’re 2 seasons ahead of me by next week?

Me: Us against the… Yes, that’s going to happen.


The answer to the question, “do these jeans still fit” depends on whether or not I actually have to sit down at any point.


SPIDER-MAN: hold it right there, Chameleon
CHAMELEON: how’d u know it was me??
SM: ur disguised as Peter Parker
C: so?
SM: *starts sweating*


Ever since my mother discovered emojis I feel like she’s been hitting on me.