Eh wah eh wah eh wah eh wah joget joget joget joget joget gelek gelek gelek gelek gelek gelek lembek lembek lembek embek lembek lembek
The rose petal scene from American Beauty, but just me naked and covered in candy wrappers.
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She: Why don’t we ever have sex anymore?
Me: What’s this “we” shit? I’m having plenty.
I have feelings for you. Please take them and leave.
Her: *Looking at furniture we can’t afford*
Me: You know you can’t have that, why do you tease yourself?
[A few hours later]
Me: *Watching sportsball on TV*
Me: *Perks up at cheerleader*
Her: *Just raises one eyebrow*
I really hope someone makes a movie about a time traveler that keeps going to 2020 to fix it but makes it worse each time
I just farted & my dog looked at me like i asked her a calculus question
Ouija board just told me it’s still waiting on a grandbaby and I was like lol Mom when did you die
Based on the musicians who thanked him at the Grammys, I gotta say: I’m not crazy for God’s taste in music.
Mom: Why do you do that?
Me: Silly, huh?
Mom: No, reckless! Do you even know what you said? What if you told him he’s fat
What I know about light:
-Cannot be eaten
-Maybe can be eaten?
-I definitely made an eating motion
-But I am not full?
-I bit my tongue
-Can hurt your tongue