Hahaha stupid person… When it says 55mph it really means 64mph………Idiot turtle person
The scene from The Exorcist where she’s tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it’s me when getting a Brazilian.
You Might Also Like
How do you tell someone that they’re not smart enough to manipulate you, without hurting their feelings?
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
when someone pisses you off start counting down from 10. When you get to 8 punch them in the throat, they will never expect it.
I broke my arm when I was a kid, my Dad carried me ten miles to the hospital, he has cancer, so that’s why my tattoo is hot nurse.
I’ve been trying to start my truck with my house key since 7am this morning, there’s no way I’m gonna stop now.
Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised.
Judge: how do you plead?
Me: usually to my kids to just please go to sleep for the love of God
Judge: *wiping away a tear* I can respect that, case dismissed
Oh you lost your glasses on your face? I lost my cell phone while on a call.
Sure your baby’s cute but have you ever seen a chihuahua with the hiccups?