@JimmerThatisAll
@ch000ch
me: if ur soulmate dies before u meet them do u get like a backup soulmate
professor: i meant questions about the midterm
You Might Also Like
@ch000ch
@nice_mustard
“i am trapped in a loveless marriage help me obi-wan you’re my only hope” “use divorce, luke”
@KMoFlo_official
6y/o: Mommy, do you know what a Ouija board is?
Me: Yes.
6y/o: Let’s get one so we can talk to you later.
@g0_f1sh
A colleague has just been fired from work and someone else put their hand up and asked how it would affect the Secret Santa
@SomthinBoutSara
Do you ever walk out of a bathroom and want to put a sign on the door that says “I was just peeing It smelled that way when I went in there”
@FillWerrell
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest damnit! KNEES TO CHEST
@squirrel74wkgn
My wife is still mad about the time I seductively went under the covers…slid off the end of the bed…and then army crawled out of the bedroom.
@Ristolable
Hi, I’m a college professor. Years ago I wrote a terrible book no one wanted. Anyway you have to buy it for 80 dollars
@MaryKoCo
This outfit is called Running Into Someone I Know Would Be The Ultimate Worst Thing That Could Happen
@peachesanscream
My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is his dead dog back. Can’t WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and stick it under the tree.