Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty good, I just wish they did a better job explaining which character was Groot
The squirrels are quiet today. Too quiet.
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No Teflon coated pan has ever been a match for my husband and his love of stirring with sharp utensils.
When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a “mean drunk” or a “happy drunk.” Gets me out of it every time.
My grandfather wanted to stay fit when he turned 60 so he decided to start running a mile a day. He’s 65 now and we don’t know where he is.
Commas. Use them.
What do those “brighten my day with the 7th picture on your phone” people want from us
If you don’t sleep now, you’ll sleep during the exam. If you sleep now, you’ll fail in the exam. Life is a mess.
Tech guy says: “When in doubt reboot. ” Okay, I’ve rebooted but i still don’t see how my boots have ANYTHING to do with a computer.
doctor: you know how to measure your bowel movements
me: yeah of course
doctor: you weigh yourself before and after
me: [15 Sec pause] yeah
Jennifer Aniston is one divorce away from being Ross