“What should we call the 5th month?”
May I suggest-
“Great suggestion. May it is”
The trick to doing crimes is to wait until after 5pm when all the police have gone home for the day
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Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
So Amish people just yell their tweets from the top of their barns?
Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge
My son asked for help with his math homework as we pulled into the school parking lot.
Then I laughed & laughed & told him to get out.
A speedo is just a man’s way of saying “not today girls”.
ARCHAEOLOGIST: I don’t think we’ll find anything here
ME: *trying to get help digging out my swimming pool* let’s just give it a shot
Actually, I thought 50 Shades Of Grey was about Taco Bell meat.
I love babies cause they just cry upon waking up and it’s so honest
Sorry, I can’t be around you today.
The temptation to smack you in the face is just too great.