@Ygrene: The trick to doing crimes is to wait until after 5pm when all the police have gone home for the day
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@doublewenis: Hey...quick question, fellas: Does it still count as leg day if you just shaved them?
@PhuckinCody: wife: our house is on fire! who you gonna call?! [later] ghostbusters (standing in ashes): u really should've called the fire department
@abbycohenwl: how to have good hair: - have bad hair - walk around like you have that hair on purpose
@MattOswaltVA: your stripper name is the first two words you see in a newspaper headline while on the phone with your wife pretending to be an old British woman so you can be her nanny and spend more time with your kids