@Notoliviasteel
@i_Lean
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ma’am you can’t take that on the plane
ME: This is my therapy ham
You Might Also Like
@i_Lean
@_NinJar
Me: Whats the best thing on the menu?
Waiter: The cheesebur-
Me: WRONG!
*points to the picture I drew on it of Ironman fighting Darth Vader*
@hardicecrm
Stray dog: digs through garbage all day to find one piece of food to survive.
My dog: eats one piece of new kibble and vomits because it’s not his favorite brand. Goes on a hunger strike.
@dog_feelings
sometimes. i will yawn really big. and soon after. the human will also yawn. i have yet to decide. what to do with my powers
@DaddyJew
[leaving couples therapy]
*whispers to therapist* so who won?
@minkpinkustink
sorry I didnβt call the dog ate your phone number
@Sickayduh
I thought I saw Bradley Cooper but it was just every poem ever written formed into a beach sunset with amazing hair
@ch000ch
*crawls back up a waterslide for 2 hours* did you say “go dudette” or “no not yet”
@Shock_Monster
My dream job? That’s easy:
Be one of those Muppets that sit up in balcony making fun of everyone.
That’s Old School Twitter.