@robfee: The worst part about breaking up right before Halloween is now I have to explain at every party why I'm dressed as half of a horse.
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@Social_Mime: Saying "You first" when the doctor told me to take off my shirt made the rest of the appointment awkward for him and I.
@onascaleof1210: To the person crowding me in the checkout line, do you want a hug .. 'cause if you get any closer, I'm gonna assume you do and give you one.
@titttieslover_: Haven’t seen any “Wanna turn $300 into $3000” posts in a minute... Y’all in jail?
@noogscorner: Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.