THERAPIST: tell me about your childhood

THE PREDATOR FROM ALIEN VS PREDATOR: well, when I was a child predator…

THERAPIST: ok, first let’s talk about phrasing

You Might Also Like


My toddler just called the cheese he’s eating “medicine for my belly”.

Even kids understand the healing powers of cheese.


Apparently I have an on again off again relationship with reality. I just can never tell which one.

*pets unicorn*


weird that u can die from drinkin too much water but also die from not drinking enough water. Also u will die even drinking the right amount


Me: BOOP! teehee!
Cop: ..
Me: sorry. did you want me to touch MY nose?


Watching a movie and loudly saying ‘couldn’t do that now. because of covid’ every ten seconds


“Then it’s agreed. We’ll meet back in this same place in 10 years.” -Me to some dishes in my sink


*puts on mistletoe hat*
*casually walks by you multiple times*


My son is petrified of thunder. I told him that is ridiculous, it’s the lightning that will kill him.