@madumagica

There are 4 guys in the world

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@dog_rates

We only rate dogs. This is very clearly an Egyptian Shadow Giraffe. Please be more careful. Only send in dogs. Thank you… 13/10

@AndyJokedAgain

FRIENDLY REMINDER: Frankenberry is not the cereal. He’s the guy who CREATED the cereal. The cereal is his monster.

@Darlainky

My husband drives me to drink.

Unless a friend volunteers.

@djdarrellripley

Him: I’d be happy to (using finger quotes) screen the applicants.

Me: I’d be happy to (using finger quotes) testify in the harassment suit.

@serialmatrix

If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?

@NicCageMatch

A surprise party on someone’s birthday isn’t surprising. A better time would be 3-4 months after their birthday, in the middle of the night.