There are many different theories about why humans even need to sleep but I’m pretty sure it’s to charge our phones.

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its embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasnt sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.


Are you supposed to wear your Fitbit in the shower? I’m looking to break this thing as quickly as possible and need advice.


Has anyone tried ejecting 2020, blowing on it, putting it back in and hitting play?


I want my remains to be scattered all over the beach when I die.
Also, I don’t want to be cremated.


Impressing the McDonaldโ€™s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority


I miss being a baby and having milestones. No one cares if you’re an adult and can lift your head or roll over on a blanket.


*remembers company is coming*
*checks all the garbage cans, switching out Walmart bags for real trash bags like some sort of rich person*


Apparently, if you stop to help an armored truck broke down on the side road, they’ll mace and taser you. In that order.