Pluto should totally move on and find a solar system that’s going to treat it with the respect it deserves.
There is a woman on this plane going on vacation with a cat in a carrier. Because cats love surprises, travel, and unfamiliar surroundings.
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Good, good, good, if it isn’t that guy who isn’t very well at grammar
Hey is it just me or is there another two-letter pronoun used to refer to oneself as the object of a verb or preposition?
*deletes my ex’s phone number*
k, weigh me now.
“We’re going to need a bigger pocket.” – iPhone 6 Plus
[stands on other side of glass door & ruffles hair as everyone watches, then enters office]
Me: sorry I’m late, I hate this place & everyone here
I’m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with me when I get Alzheimer’s
serial killer: you’re in for a slow and agonizing death
me: so you’re gonna let me live
for the 7th year in a row, Rick Astley refuses to give his wife her favorite Pixar movie for Christmas
“What’s the most important thing that is missing from your sex life?”
Me: A partner