There is a woman on this plane going on vacation with a cat in a carrier. Because cats love surprises, travel, and unfamiliar surroundings.

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Pluto should totally move on and find a solar system that’s going to treat it with the respect it deserves.


Good, good, good, if it isn’t that guy who isn’t very well at grammar


Hey is it just me or is there another two-letter pronoun used to refer to oneself as the object of a verb or preposition?


“We’re going to need a bigger pocket.” – iPhone 6 Plus


[stands on other side of glass door & ruffles hair as everyone watches, then enters office]
Me: sorry I’m late, I hate this place & everyone here


I’m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with me when I get Alzheimer’s


serial killer: you’re in for a slow and agonizing death

me: so you’re gonna let me live


for the 7th year in a row, Rick Astley refuses to give his wife her favorite Pixar movie for Christmas


“What’s the most important thing that is missing from your sex life?”

Me: A partner