The best thing about microchipping my cat is that I connected him to my ApplePay account and now I can use him to pay for things when I forget my wallet.
There is no amount of money I wouldn’t pay for a remote control that could walk itself over to me from the other side of the room.
You Might Also Like
Apparently, Walt Disney was a secret FBI snitch for 26 years so I guess you could say he was a rat who was famous for drawing a mouse.
All we want is to get laid and for no one to touch our cell phones.
“wow this rap song is good I wonder who this is”
*waits literally 4 seconds*
“oh there look at that he said his name how convenient”
someone suggested riding a bike during the pandemic wasn’t safe, as if I wasn’t obviously planning on wearing a condom
I should really stop writing “lol” after “exercise” on my to do lists.
Me: sometimes when a door closes there’s a window that opens
Car Repair Man: yeah I’ll definitely take a look at that
“I’m a skeleton!”
*kisses and hugs you*
*kisses and hugs you again*
What kind of skeleton are you?!?
“An XO skeleton”
E-Harmony Rep: And here’s your starter cat-
Rep: Here’s your starter pack.
Me: You said cat.
Rep: *folder meows*
“I’m frying some fish for supper, so yall come over & eat” is what I said.
“You’re also gonna be helping me move my piano” is what I meant.