I’m in a doctors waiting room. What’s a polite way to say “I hate your baby”?
There is no doubt in my mind, I would trade my ovaries for another liver.
You Might Also Like
I just sighed so loud that my neighbor texted me, “What’s wrong?”
There are two sides to every story. My side and the right side.
I take a prop microphone wherever I go. If a reporter sticks a mic in my face during a tragedy, I can pull out my own and return the favor.
I love being single and independent but my wife says I’m not allowed
ME: excuse me did you say this was non-GMO
WAITER: yes that’s right
ME: [pointing to my alphabet soup] there’s like a dozen of them in there
One time I threw my cat at a spider so I could escape, but sure I’d love to hold your baby
Thanks for nothing autocorrect, I’m never gonna get chicks being a “homeless romantic”.
All that time wasted. When I could have been *looks at family*
getting down to this… sick… beat
*widow rolls eyes*
Make your own bacon by tricking a pig into running headlong through a harp.