@Inferno_V
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@shesfinetwo
Every girl when a guy touches their hair…
@DancesWithTamis
I’m so bad at making decisions that whenever I hit a yellow light I scream, open my car door and throw myself out
@SucculentPizza
Somebody in my gang is an undercover police horse. I’ve narrowed it down to Dave, Kyle and Sugarcube
@TheToddWilliams
Be to, or be not to, the question, that is.
– Yoda does Hamlet
@thedailymarker
Husband getting dressed:
Me: Purple and green don’t go together.
Husband: It works for the Joker.
Me: My point exactly.
@Humor_Fetish
“Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight…? You’re so radical!” How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend
@DumbConfessions
Her:”Let’s make a baby.”
Him: “Okay! Hold on.”
*goes to bathroom*
[5 minutes later.]
Her: “Where’d you go?”
Him: “You meant with you??”
@ohheyohhihello
what do we want???
CHEESECAKE
when do we want it???
PEOPLE VERY RARELY SAY THEY WANT SOMETHING THAT THEY DONโT WANT IMMEDIATELY
@PeaceInTruth1
*throws caution to the wind*
*blows right back into face*