I tried sliding across the hood of my Camaro, but my pony tail got caught in the windshield wiper.
There’s 2 types of idiots in the world.
2. All the other idiots
You Might Also Like
Flirt with him. Drop down and pick up your asthma inhaler. Look back, readjust your glasses.
Mafia Boss: you’re gonna sleep with the fishes
Fishes: we’re not sleeping with this nerd
Me: um technically the plural is *fish*
New comic up. “Ransom”
“hello pretty lady.” [i slide down the bar] “what’s your name?” i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.
As a rule, if the number of genders allowed to drive in your country is less than two, you live in an awful country.
Me: I’m here to pick up my son
Daycare: what’s he look like?
Me: *points to my face*
D: oh. Ok
Angel: so you named this screwdriver a flathead cause it’s head is flat?
Angel: What are you gonna call this other one?
HER: Never use your Elmo voice again
Don’t mess with me. I come from a generation that would walk to a mail box to mail a letter if we were angry enough with you.