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Every girl when a guy touches their hair…

I’m so bad at making decisions that whenever I hit a yellow light I scream, open my car door and throw myself out

Somebody in my gang is an undercover police horse. I’ve narrowed it down to Dave, Kyle and Sugarcube

Be to, or be not to, the question, that is.
– Yoda does Hamlet

Husband getting dressed:
Me: Purple and green don’t go together.
Husband: It works for the Joker.
Me: My point exactly.

“Do you want to be the numerator or the denominator tonight…? You’re so radical!” How I hit on my imaginary mathematician girlfriend

Her:”Let’s make a baby.”
Him: “Okay! Hold on.”
*goes to bathroom*
[5 minutes later.]
Her: “Where’d you go?”
Him: “You meant with you??”

what do we want???
CHEESECAKE
when do we want it???
PEOPLE VERY RARELY SAY THEY WANT SOMETHING THAT THEY DONโT WANT IMMEDIATELY

*throws caution to the wind*
*blows right back into face*