Always a massive red flag than when a guy lists “The Art of War” as one of his favorite books. It’s like, you’re an accountant, Brent, you’re not Tyrion Lannister
There’s 2 types of people in this world, people who give 110%, and the people who passed 4th grade math.
You Might Also Like
I, too, am shocked Ted Cruz has had sex. I just assumed his kids were born when he ate after midnight and got wet like in the movie Gremlins
They say that ones who hurt you the most also love you the most which means that this clown standing over me with an axe must love me a lot.
[Me]: “I have hat-like reflexes”
[You]: Don’t you mean cat-like reflexes?
[Me]: *sitting on top of your head* “Nope”
Inspirational tweet: There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope yours is a freight train.
When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she’s gone to heaven. That way they’re super-excited when she gets back from the gym.
If you love someone, set them free. If they return… something, something, Justin Bieber’s a lesbian.
If your baby is being extra clingy lately, it’s not because they love you
They’ve seen what 2020 has brought so far and now they want back inside
Nice try cereal but everyone knows that the real breakfast of champions is three chocolate glazed donuts.