@Humor_Fetish

There’s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.

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@DepecheALAmode

Guy at the gym had “True Gentleman” tattooed on his arm. I was about to make fun of him, but he held the door for me as I left. Great guy.

@AmishPornStar1

Trump assures Abe that he supports Japan 100%!

“I mean, I saw Godzilla like, 7 times!” says Trump.

@susie_dent

Two words from the historical lexicon:
boondoggle: an entirely unnecessary or futile undertaking.
hornswoggle: to bamboozle or deceive.
A hornswoggling boondoggle has a nice ring to it.

@JamieGreenlees

Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.

@_Tempo11

Just because we’ve been friends for ten years doesn’t mean I know your kids’ names.