@K8yH8y

There’s a part of me that still loves you. I hit that part with a hammer. Stupid part.

There’s a part of me that still loves you. I hit that part with a hammer. Stupid part.

- @K8yH8y

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@Tmoney68

So, Facebook is celebrating its 10th birthday. What do you buy for the social media app that makes you hate everyone?

@jergarl

My wife says I was wasted last night and honestly I don’t think she’s buying my story about having to be naked to guard the neighbors porch.

@CantWaitToNap

I don’t know why they are staring. Ignore them.

*Holds drink up to your voodoo doll’s mouth*

@MisterBombay

I follow ripped guys around the grocery store and just buy what they buy

@fuzzlime

I once dated a guy only because he had a cool hidden safe behind a painting in the hallway he kept the spare toilet paper rolls in there

@JermHimselfish

Me: And then, for absolutely no reason, they changed the stars to hearts! We were all so mad

Syrian Refugee: omg please send me back

@AbbieEvansXO

[two weeks into the zombie apocalypse]

Me: [ventures outside] oh my god there’s a zombie apocalypse

@Darlainky

I’m going to stay off my phone today and clean my house.
Narrator: She stayed off her phone for 25 minutes and cleaned off the couch to nap.

@BunAndLeggings

me: sorry for speeding officer

cop: you’re parked

me:

cop: in the intersection

me: I can smell your thoughts

cop: *into shoulder mic* Ron I owe ya $20 it’s edibles