These two books contain the sum total of all human knowledge

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Guys…. Women aren’t hard….. And if they are… They aren’t Women.


Endless love does not extend to my root beer float. That second straw is decorative.


Welcome to backhanded compliment club, it’s so nice meeting people who don’t care how they look


[job interview]

What’s ur greatest strength?

“I wear too much cologne”

No, I mean-

“A lady legit passed out when I got in the elevator”


THERAPIST: You’re cured.

ME: Really?!?

THERAPIST: No, of course not. How did that make you feel?


Marilyn Monroe died & was reincarnated into thousands of white girls who can’t be handled at their worst, and aren’t deserved at their best.