@James_Kpatrick

These two books contain the sum total of all human knowledge

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@WilliamRodgers

Guys…. Women aren’t hard….. And if they are… They aren’t Women.

@_Water_Baby

Endless love does not extend to my root beer float. That second straw is decorative.

@clichedout

Welcome to backhanded compliment club, it’s so nice meeting people who don’t care how they look

@Reverend_Scott

[job interview]

What’s ur greatest strength?

“I wear too much cologne”

No, I mean-

“A lady legit passed out when I got in the elevator”

@Jake_Vig

THERAPIST: You’re cured.

ME: Really?!?

THERAPIST: No, of course not. How did that make you feel?

@JawnQSack

Marilyn Monroe died & was reincarnated into thousands of white girls who can’t be handled at their worst, and aren’t deserved at their best.