@pmann555

They say it’s not the destination, it’s the journey………Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with diarrhea…

They say it’s not the destination, it’s the journey………Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with diarrhea…

- @pmann555

You Might Also Like

@Fickle_Filly

You can lead a teenager to the dishwasher, but you can’t make him load it.

@NurseKimaaa

It’s so awkward when a man texts you to come over and you have to pretend like you weren’t already inside their house.

@mostlysharks

it’s time for sharks to evolve again. it’s been four hundred million years. be poisonous or something

@jwoodham

FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that’s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.

@TheCatWhisprer

I’d rather get killed by the Blair Witch on the first night than have to camp another night.

@StephenAtHome

Trump called Kim Jong Un a “smart cookie.” That’s crazy — he reminds me more of a “murderous soft cheese.”

@Ray_stephan

Finding out your ex has a bad life is like finding 100 $ in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face.

@JaneSays___

Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone’s mouth while they’re talking?

@relatabledad

no actually it’s called an “african-american” eye, bud. and i got it cause someone beat the crap out of me for being too politically correct