We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@Shakti_Shetty: *thinks of joining gym tomorrow*
*celebrates the thought with a pizza*
@Jennuflect: Not tryin' to brag, but my sex life is like a dormant volcano. It was fiery, but now it's inactive. Also, I killed a bunch of villagers.
@UnFitz: I like my wedding soup made with real bickering.
@girl_a_whirl: Bad cop *plants drugs in perps car*
Gardener cop *adds mulch & Miracle-Gro®*
@mommajessiec: Single: Knows all the bars in a 10 mile radius.
Married: Knows all the restaurants in a 10 mile radius.
As a parent: Knows all the bouncy places in a 10 mile radius.
@BradBroaddus: 1) Jumped out of bed
2) Cooked breakfast
3) Ran 6 miles
4) Worked out
5) Started lying compulsively