@FaisalAdam_: This, being a gentleman thing really works. Women just fall for me when I offer them my handkerchief. Sure it's dabbed in chloroform...
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@cbdoubleu: [Gets arrested] Officer: You get one phone call... *hangs up a few minutes later. Can you turn the radio up? I requested a song.
@GrabTheWEness: It was an unfortunate incident, but at least Doug learned he should never lick his light saber after using it to cut chocolate cake.
@joejwest: HANG GLIDER COP: I see a crime happening directly below me [glides on] Not much I can do