This family attached a microphone to their 4 year old and the result was adorable ❤️
You Might Also Like
One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.
*gets woken up by a tap on my shoulder*
“Daddy, how do you get yogurt out of the toaster when it’s done toasting?”
Doc: The good news is this is a surprise birthday party!
Patient: But my birthday’s not till next month
Doc:Which brings me to the bad news
I’m the opposite of clingy, I’m spacious.
A guy tried to flirt with me so I gestured to my wedding ring, but I’d forgotten to wear it so he thought I wanted him to propose. It turned out that worked even better at getting rid of him.
What level of petty is it when your father won’t let you watch Wheel of Fortune with him because you solve the puzzles before he does?
dinosaur: omg a meteor
t-rex clark kent: *desperately trying to remove his glasses with his tiny arms*
It’s nice that friends keep picking up my kids for play dates.
It’d be even nicer if they’d stop bringing them back home.
Fun Fact: the average group of 4 yr olds can take up to 7 years to break open a piñata.
mob boss: rip his fingernails off
henchman: they’re bitten really short
mob boss: then do his toenails!
henchman: [removing my socks] you’re not gonna believe this
We got a tornado warning, and I’m too scared to open my windows. Don’t want any sharks in my house.
GF: I’m breaking up with you
Me: *folding socks lengthwise* but why
Nice flex Egyptians, pyramids AND bedsheets.
if you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit
Cop: We’re going to charge you with battery
Terminator: Oh you’re a life saver, I’m on 3%
fireman: where is fire
me: in my heart, i love y-
fireman: [pulls out firehose] brace yourself this is gonna hurt
Pirates invented the diving board but get no credit
Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
“Matter cannot be created nor destroyed…”
Then explain to me why my kids can manage to turn a bathtub full of water into four bathtubs of water outside of said tub?
Can’t, busy teaching a toddler gang signs.
FRIEND 1: wanna see a pic of my cat
ME: yes!
FRIEND 2: wanna see a pic of my bird
ME: yes!
FRIEND 3: wanna see a pic of my dog
ME: omg yes!
FRIEND 4: wanna see a pic of my baby
ME: ugh fine
The best things in life are free. Unless it’s herpes. Stay away from people who want to give you free herpes.
(life flashing before my eyes)
paramedics: why is he cringing?
My toxic trait is wanting things I can’t have, like sleep and lactose
To see someone’s true savage nature, you must observe them eat crab legs at a buffet.
KitKats are really good for you… they are mostly air, which is oxygen.
[drinking third bottle of smart water] when does this kick in
I wonder if I’ve seen enough movies to be able to emergency land an airplane
Wife: But the zoo told you never to come back
Me: [loading hotdogs into shotgun] Those giraffes can’t live on salad, Eleanor
I would most likely die like 45 minutes into a zombie apocalypse, and even more likely it would not be zombie apocalypse related.