Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@PhilJamesson

[joker voice] one person steals a joke? they’re a joke thief. a scumbag. but a thousand people steal a joke? [smacks lips] that’s a meme

@WilliamAder

“America’s Most Wanted” to return to the airwaves with an NFL edition.

@AmishPornStar1

Ever have that fantasy of pulling over on the side of the highway and running into the woods and disappearing for a few years?

Just me?

@Tommytoughstuff

ME: (petting a dog) He loves this.
DOG: (being pet) He loves this.

@WalkingOutside

Shout out to whichever childless person invented toys that erupt in an epic sound and light show when you toss em in the toy box at night.

@SonOfCha

I saw a commercial on Animal Planet where animals were talking & that’s all well & good but they totally got the giraffe’s accent wrong.

@cat_wall_

I might not be girlfriend material but I’m definitely

@BoogTweets

Psychologist: what is the issue

Her: He is one of the most pretentious people I have ever met.

Me: *laughing so hard my monocle falls out*

@TheToddWilliams

An entire cheerleader civilization was wiped out in the eruption at Pompompeii.

@ChipKellysBalls

Bad news: pulled a muscle. Good news: implied presence of muscle …