@passion8turk: This green smoothie tastes like God wants me to be fat.
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@XplodingUnicorn: I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
@pittdave13: Quit doubting my abilities, I can drive with one hand and crash the car with the other...
@OneFunnyMummy: Register for a new blender on your baby registry. It drowns out the crying and makes margaritas. You're welcome.