DATE: *looking at dessert menu* are you thinking what i’m thinking
ME: *smiling* let’s say it together
DATE: 1,2,3! ice cream
ME: why does “Open” start with a closed circle and “Closed” start with an open cirrrice cream
This guy is heading back in to town. His wife has been sick for months, and his recent indiscretions weigh heavily on his mind. He eyes the oncoming cement truck, and feels a pull. He could leave this all behind with one turn of the-
Son: I don’t want to play hot wheels anymore
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just mowed the backyard
[idiot mocking voice] “but deg what will u do this weekend?”
hell, the way it grows i’ll be able to mow sunday idiot
I am using the Netflix account of my
How many degrees of separation are you from your Netflix account?
Worst part about going to work this morning was the look on my dog’s face that said “sucks for you, I’m going back to sleep”.
4yo doctor visit:
Doc: no more than 30 mins for 4yo on the iPad. I’d rather he play with mud.
Me: where do u download mud?
boss: from now on you’re getting supervision
boss: wait, that doesn’t mean–
me: *already smashing my glasses*
“He seems kind of rude”
“Oh no no, that’s just how he is”
“Ok cool. Now that I know it’s a fundamental part of his personality, I like him”
The Internet: An electronic version of, “Now, why did I walk into this room?”
The most romantic movie of all time is definitely Pixar’s UP. That old man really loved his house.