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Hit the showers. Smack a sink. Verbally assault a bathtub. Make everyone at Home Depot uncomfortable.


*Game Character Treatment Center*

Counselor: Okay new faces, please tell us why you’re here

Pac-Man: Binge eating

Lara Croft: Kleptomania

Ryu: *crying* I can’t stop fighting streets


there’s no rule that says you have to share your birthday cake, you can just blow out the candles and take that shit home with u


Please do not wear flip flops if your feet look like you could sweep down & snatch your dinner while it’s still running through the forrest


ME: Hmm. My biggest weakness? Tough question. I guess some people say I’m delusional

UBER DRIVER: I didn’t say anything


People are so wasteful…I found a perfectly good hair brush while sifting through my neighbor’s trash last night.


If the tv show “Cops” has taught me anything, it’s to stay away from ppl with blurry faces. They always cause trouble.


For every hour that passes without payment, I will teach another hostage “Wonderwall” on acoustic guitar and release him back to you


You: Wth is wrong with you?
Me: I learned to dance during the 80’s..