What if the washer has been stealing the socks and we have just been blaming the dryer?
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Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)
Shoutout to that one time I confused narcolepsy and necrophilia during a job interview.
There’s no recipe in this world that raisins can’t ruin.
Me: *taking a pee*
Urologist: put that back
In my first job, I had to proofread tampon box instructions. Grammar was good, but it was clear that they had no idea how a period works.
Me: What’s wrong?
Me: Grabs shield and sword
My friends asked me to go camping so I made of a list of the things I will need: 1. new friends
my goth girlfriend says she likes me for who i am on the inside (a skeleton)
My son needed a last-minute Halloween costume so I wrapped him like a mummy with my CVS receipt.
You can also scan him for $2 off Advil.