@Reverend_Scott

THIS IS THE POLICE.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.

“Wrong house guys.”

ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?

“Yup, happens a lot.”

OKAY COOL, SORRY.

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@DepressedDarth

That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.

@junejuly12

Just got a cramp in my side so that’ll teach me for getting off the couch.

@aksorojas

I know I’m destined to become a Disney princess when my cat brought me an amputated arm one summer morning after a dragon destroyed my town.

@yupkirsten

friend: i need some advice.
me: *swooshing my cat through the air while making rocket noises* you’re at the right place for that

@Tmoney68

My GF called me “behind the times” today. I got so upset, I paused the VCR, paged my friends & asked them to fax me their best advice.

@XplodingUnicorn

*stands on scale at doctor’s office*

*takes off coat*

*empties pockets*

*shaves eyebrows*

@Reverend_Scott

[Jesus at Last Supper]
[holds up bread] This is my body
[holds up wine] This is my blood
[holds up Instagram pic]
This was my breakfast