That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.
THIS IS THE POLICE.
COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
“Wrong house guys.”
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
“Yup, happens a lot.”
OKAY COOL, SORRY.
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Just got a cramp in my side so that’ll teach me for getting off the couch.
I know I’m destined to become a Disney princess when my cat brought me an amputated arm one summer morning after a dragon destroyed my town.
*slips into milk bath* *starts drinking*
once i get some clearasil, it’s over for you blotches
friend: i need some advice.
me: *swooshing my cat through the air while making rocket noises* you’re at the right place for that
My GF called me “behind the times” today. I got so upset, I paused the VCR, paged my friends & asked them to fax me their best advice.
*stands on scale at doctor’s office*
*takes off coat*
[Jesus at Last Supper]
[holds up bread] This is my body
[holds up wine] This is my blood
[holds up Instagram pic]
This was my breakfast