Having an older dog means ten seconds after you drop a piece of food, you have to drop an even bigger piece of food so they can find it.
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Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria’s secret around the house
Wouldn’t it have made more sense if Al Gore claimed he invented the Algorithm?
“I think we should-”
Kiss under the moonlight? omg we finish each other’s sentences!
Hairdresser: was gonna say trim the sides a bit shorter
We need plenty of space for entertaining, 62 bedrooms, a fully staffed Cheesecake Factory & a heliport. Our budget is $287.
‘Active’ shower gel because I have no idea what active smells like.
If drinking too much alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking too much Fanta make you fantastic?
I’m walking more to lose weight in order to help my knees feel better. Walking more is making my knees sore.
The moral of the story?
Don’t have knees.
Counting Crows #GoodBandNameBadFirstDate