Wife: when did we get a new dishwasher
Me: u said change the dishwasher & stack the baby
Wife: how do u stack a baby
Me: u get other babies
this lipgloss is called mcdonalds hash brown
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I kid you not.
5 Stages of Pregnancy:
3: Crying because you peed
4: Peeing because you’re crying
5: The toilet is your home now
Sorry I yelled “chug it” to your baby, as you were breastfeeding.
Milk prices could reach as high as $8/gallon soon & at those prices I’m giving everyone the OK to cry if you spill some.
Doggies just call it style.
DANIEL: Promise me, not again
MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon?
M: [waves hand] Garcoff
What do you get when you pick a pigs nose?
I know. It snot funny. I’ll go now.
Wait, so when couples are in custody battles it’s to KEEP the kids? #WTF
I built that beach a sandcastle.
Beaches love sandcastles.