“When in doubt, drag it out”
– advice I give to people dealing with difficult decisions or dead bodies
This pill bottle says ‘Take with plenty of fluids’ and ‘Don’t take with alcohol’.
That doesn’t even make sense.
You Might Also Like
Columbus: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Columbus: *just yanks me out of my car and drives off in it*
*applies conditioner to my to-do list to make it more manageable*
[someone reading a beautiful poem in german]
ME: i have never been more frightened
Clark Kent: *sits glasses on counter*
Lois Lane: Who are you and where did the new countertop come from?
Me: Excuse me, where are your nails that twist?
Worker: You mean screws?
Me: I don’t know, I’m not a nail scientist.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
HER: What is this?
ME: It’s The One Ring. I fought orcs for it.
HER: They didn’t have that Michael Kors bag I showed you?
I wonder what happens if you put on Axe body spray and Old Spice deodor-
“And this is Flegh, Fnnnr, Grmm, Jsssh and Jhee-Jo.” (What My Brain Hears When Introduced to a Group of People)