@Mr_Mike_Clarke

#ThisExplainsWhy my hair is such a mess EVERY morning!

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@trojansauce

ME:*lying*omg i have an identical twin too
DATE:wow we should all meet up
[cut to us at a house of mirrors]
DATE: your brother is quiet

@XplodingUnicorn

Me: School is delayed. There’s too much ice.

5-year-old: *whispering* Thanks, Elsa.

@bridger_w

I had a jacket stolen from me tonight. My enemies will stop at nothing to keep me from maintaining a comfortable body temperature in style

@Ygrene

Bird: *standing in middle of road challenging me*

Me: *swerving and driving off cliff* you have won again bird

@sock_holliday

The person that invented toilet paper is easily the most under-appreciated hero in human history

@sammyrhodes

Here’s a crazy idea. What if Budweiser took all that advertising money and actually made better beer?

@

a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:15:”LindseyEllison2″;s:5:”image”;s:98:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/378800000102924655/b3e616c039ec94a6468ed3e3aba69840_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”355424627050295298″;s:7:”retweet”;s:1:”6″;s:5:”tweet”;s:132:”Sharks are so misunderstood. They ONLY eat people’s legs because they want you to transform into a mermaid and be friends with them.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}

@parsfarce

me: i feel anxious

body: here I make u sweat it will calm u down

me: i feel much worse

body: ok ok I make u throw up u relax now

@MsSkarsgaard

I miss the things we shared together.
Not the chlamydia but the rest of the stuff was cool.