@DurtMcHurtt

*throws back out*

Back: Let me back in baby, I can change.

You Might Also Like

@NJFreudian

Which doesnt belong?

Camel
Polar Bear
Obama
Buffalo

Camel……It’s the only one on the list that knows something about the Middle East

@danjan13

Hey yea man, send me that YouTube link. I’m definitely gonna watch it and not just default send back “lol” after a few minutes.

@PabloGSerski

Since joining Twitter, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.

@man_spach

My favorite Skrillex song is the one where he drops a spoon into the garbage disposal and steps on a cat’s tail.

@ShoutingGoddess

‘Failed to send tweet,’ is Twitter’s polite way of saying, ‘Dude..’

@Dutch_50

Doctor: You have acute alcoholism.
Me: Thanks, but let me tell you it’s not very cute in the morning.

@GrumpyComments

Stormtrooper 1: You ever think that maybe we’re with the bad guys?

Stormtrooper 2: Nah, lets just head back to the Death St… to the ship.

@Scimommy

90% of parenting older kids is making sure they’re not in the same room when they have to do homework.