To print a document from your laptop:
1. Select document
2. Click “Print”
3. Walk over to printer to see what the damn problem is this time

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June 28 1954
So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this.

June 30 1954
I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok


If I stabbed someone with icicle, no one would find the murder weapon, because it melts. This thought is haunting me.


Guess who went all day without dropping food on her shirt?

Not me, but I’m sure somebody somewhere did.


I planted grizzly DNA under my fingernails so when I choke on doritos the medical examiners assume I was strangled by a bear but fought back


Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5’9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please


cop: we found your wife with a knife in her back
me: that doesn’t sound like her, she never kept a knife there


An app similar to Google Maps except it highlights all of the areas in your city that are believed to be haunted.


“We’re not so different, you and I,” Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.


This diet is probably gonna end in murder, but still pretty excited. I’m gonna look so skinny in my mugshot!