@yonewt

To print a document from your laptop:
1. Select document
2. Click “Print”
3. Walk over to printer to see what the damn problem is this time

You Might Also Like

@Rollmaninoz

Diary
June 28 1954
So it turns out my weakness is kryptonite. I can’t tell anybody this.

June 30 1954
I accidentally told Lex. Should be ok

@leshnevsky

If I stabbed someone with icicle, no one would find the murder weapon, because it melts. This thought is haunting me.

@AbbyHasIssues

Guess who went all day without dropping food on her shirt?

Not me, but I’m sure somebody somewhere did.

@Holy_Mowgli

I planted grizzly DNA under my fingernails so when I choke on doritos the medical examiners assume I was strangled by a bear but fought back

@mattytalks

Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5’9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please

@CornOnTheGoblin

cop: we found your wife with a knife in her back
me: that doesn’t sound like her, she never kept a knife there

@roxiqt

An app similar to Google Maps except it highlights all of the areas in your city that are believed to be haunted.

@ChaseMit

“We’re not so different, you and I,” Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper.

@LoveNLunchmeat

This diet is probably gonna end in murder, but still pretty excited. I’m gonna look so skinny in my mugshot!