*Husband buys me flowers*
Me: Aw sweet, but don’t waste money on things that are going to die.
Him: But you keep buying the cat food.
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Anakin: I built my droid from scratch
Obi-Wan: You’re a prodigy, I bet you’ll use this skill your whole life
Anakin: Nah just until I win space NASCAR then never again lol
Lion King is my favourite movie about an innocent baby animal. Being framed for murder.
Told my girlfriend she should scream out ‘my god you’re huge’!! at her gynaecologist appointment to freak out the others in the waiting room
Captain America: ok Avengers, we can defeat Ultron if we work as a team. Remember, no man is an island
Island Man: oh come on not this again
“It’s our third date and you still wear that shirt?”
Honey, this all they have in prison.
“Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me.”
“Got any others?”
“Sounds a lot like the last one”
GET AN ANONYMOUS ONLINE QUOTE NOW!
“You’re a giant idiot and your parents are very disappointed in you” – Anonymous
Me: So what do you do?
Date: I work with animals
Me: *imagining an office ran entirely by golden retrievers in suits* Your job sounds fun
If your taco gets arrested what do you need to bring to the jail?