How funny would it be if NASA discovered a sign on Mars that read, “Congratulations humans, level 1 completed!”
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A fax machine is just a surprise printer.
Millennial: OMG, you don’t even know how to make a gif? That’s so tragic to me right now. Can you at least make a meme?
Me: I own a house.
I don’t care about all the nasty stuff people put on here about Nicki Minaj.
I’ll still suck her c**k anytime.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times lets face it you’re a jerk and I’m stupid
Me: What are you up to?
Her: I’m making Chinese.
Me: Cloning’s unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.
A foolproof way to get a woman’s phone number is to hit her car.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and fall off obviously.
*turns around in my chair and I’m stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I’ve been expecting you.
I’m sorry, I’m about to lose you because I’m driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.