Calm down car stereo volume I’m not the same person I was yesterday.
Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
Need I say more?
You Might Also Like
At the end of the day it’s 23:59:59
Bad guys gotta have a meeting and decide once and for all Liam Neeson’s family is off limits.
I miss when the most stressful thing about my day was Gargamel.
the best thing about babies is they have no idea what’s going on. i was holding my baby and trying to eat but i dropped a little piece of lasagna on her and didn’t have a free hand to wipe it off so i just leaned over and ate it off her head. she has no clue what i did
To the guy who just followed me with “Conservative, God-loving, pro-life” in his bio… are you sure you want to do this?
Keep things interesting by delicately sneaking ice cubes into your friends’ pockets
*My parents at my birth*
Mom: she’s beautiful
Dad: she’s perfect.
Precognitive doctor: One day she will have a “top three” monkey gifs.
Marriage is like Disneyland. Magical at first but then you realize that there’s someone else in the Mickey suit.