Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@McNevich: Total shocker that you actually have to pay for things when you get to the register. Go ahead and dump your purse on the counter. We'll wait

Total shocker that you actually have to pay for things when you get to the register. Go ahead and dump your purse on the counter. We’ll wait
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@fro_vo: [forest] ME: omg there’s a wolf WIFE: where? ME: no the regular kind

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@rickkondell: Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.

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@TheToddWilliams: [Emergency Room] MRS. PIÑATA: Will my husband make it, doc? DOCTOR: We'll do what we can but *slurping on sucker* he's lost a lot of candy

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@JediGigi: Boss: I need you to come into work at 7 instead of 9 tomorrow. Me: Can't. Boss: Why? Me: I'll be asleep until 8:30.

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