@nakedlaughing

Tree: Bark

Dog: {leaves}

You Might Also Like

@TheBoydP

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

@JimmerThatisAll

[Entering a dark forest]

“Listen. That’s the banshee wailing. One of us may not make it home alive.”

“Keening.”

“What?”

“Banshees keen.”

“You go first.”

“Dammit.”

@BigJDubz

[The Matrix, dog version]

Dog Morpheus: Take the grey pill, the story ends but if you take the grey pill I’ll show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes

Dog Neo: *Already eaten both pills* RABBITS?!

@AristotlesNZ

Me: My friend really likes you.
Her: I’m a lesbian.
Me: Ah ok…
Her: …
Me: …
Her: …
Me: So… What part of Lesbia are you from?

@michimama75

I just spilled my protein shake all over myself and all I’m saying is a donut would never do this to me.

@Poutymcgee

*chugs down my 6th glass of wine and slams it on the table

Can I hold your baby?

@Phoebetate

So I’m still newish around here…

What are the rules about Canadians? Does everybody get one? Do I get to choose? Where do I sign up?

@BlairLoudly

*dresses like a kitty*

*climbs tree*

*waits for new fireman husband to come rescue me*

@heatherlou_

“IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!!” I yell at the guy next to me at the red light while tweezing stray hairs from my chin.

@FadeAway2

Ever notice when you need to delete a phone app and you get the icons jiggling? They seem all panicky about who’s getting cut from the team