Just accidentally messaged my husband “love you sexy beats” instead of “sexy beast” and now he thinks he’s some sort of DJ.
Trouble brewing at Symphony Hall. It’s the bottom of Beethoven’s 9th, and the bassists are loaded.
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last Christmas I gave you my heart/and the very next day you texted me “k”
Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?
Cannoli do so much.
Now hes just a pizza history.
how to hot dogs:
1) “read” hot dogs instructions
2) place 5 to 60 hot dogs in warm microwave or sink
3) add 1 piece of ketchup
[first day selling houses]
me: shits about to get realty
a ladybug has entered the household. and i. am on my way to introduce myself
Me, opening my eyes to see I have two minutes left before my alarm clock goes off:
I love breakdancing. I don’t do it…
Or watch it, even.
I just like it because it allows be to sell cardboard to rich white kids.
Day 15 of unemployment, still no job listings for dog petters
Of course my days are numbered..
That’s how calendars work.